Describing it as a ‘refreshed and revitalised’ format for the 21st Century, the Commonwealth Games Federation has confirmed that the 90-year-old sporting competition will be replaced by a two-week online event where potential host cities pull out of the bidding process one-by-one.
“It will be a fortnight of drama, intrigue and unexpected twists and turns,” Federation spokesperson Jonathon Harbison said.
“We’ll begin the Games with twenty or so cities on the starting line, and then watch them fall away as they realise how bananas it is to be pumping money into a second tier colonial sports carnival that should have been killed off twenty years ago. It’ll be edge of the seat stuff”.
He said fans could expect to be entertained with creative gamesmanship and left-field strategies. “We’ll see participants blindside their opponents with absurd announcements about building international sporting complexes in places like Shepparton and Bendigo, before realising they’ve miscalculated costs by $4 billion and sneakily pulling out at the last minute. We’ll see cities in Canada blame cities in Australia for needing to cancel their bid. It’ll be full of gold medal performances”.
Networks are currently bidding for the broadcast rights for the exciting new event.
