$925 Million In Red Tape Announced — The Shovel

$925 Million In Red Tape Announced


The Federal Government has announced a bold new funding package aimed at ensuring gendered violence is no longer a hot media topic.

“We are confident that this package will ensure we can deflect responsibility away from male voters, while also being large enough that anyone who complains sounds unreasonable,” said Prime Minister Anthony Albanese at a closed press conference.

“The women of Australia have shown us that they’re not going to sit down quietly unless we do something. So we’re going to make a big show of doing some of the things we already promised like legislating paid DV leave, but none of you remember we said that so it’s new right?”

“We’ve made sure to put all the blame and consequences on things like porn and extremists, anything but the men in your lives who are actually doing the violence. Additionally, we’re announcing an exciting new program where we make the state governments do all the work to reduce domestic violence, while we get the credit in the headlines. We’re calling it the ‘gold standard’.

“We couldn’t quite get it to $1billion in funding sadly because we had to give Israel some more missiles’

The funding is expected to be released the day after the federal election.

By Shane Murphy (Shane is donating his writer’s fee to What Were You Wearing)

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