News in Brief
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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SEALED SECTION!! Eleven Photos Of Crowded Places To Feast Your Eyes On!
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Busloads Of Tourists Are Travelling To Country Towns To Spread Conspiracy Theories, Mate’s Dad Says
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Man Working From Home Holds Useless 2-Hour Meeting With Himself
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Prince Charles Confident He Can Continue To Do Nothing Via Video Conferencing
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When Is It Ok To Leave My House? Australia’s Coronavirus Restrictions Explained
Australians have been told not to leave their house unless it’s absolutely necessary. So what is a permissible reason to go outside, and what is off limits? We’ve explained...
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Hairdressers To Remain Open Provided They Cut Hair From 1.5m Away
Announcing a range of tough new measures last night, Scott Morrison has declared that hairdressers and barbers can remain open, as long as they observe the 1.5 metre social...
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Man Working From Home Holds Useless 2-Hour Meeting With Himself
Saying he wanted to replicate the feeling of working from the office, Melbourne account manager Liam Hickey has set up a daily 2-hour meeting with himself, with no clear...
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International Arrivals At Lowest Levels Since Scott Morrison Was Head Of Tourism Australia
The number of tourists coming to Australia has hit its lowest point since Scott Morrison’s ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’ campaign, new figures have revealed.
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Most Coronavirus Cases Caused By Arson, The Australian Claims
At least two thirds of all instances of the deadly coronavirus have been deliberately started by arsonists, the country’s national newspaper says.
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