US President Joe Biden has confirmed his re-election bid, recording a three-minute video that recalled the words of childhood friends George, Thomas, Benjamin, James and others.
“As Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done’. That was just before we stole his dad’s pipe, snuck out in the horse and carriage and went out to the fields to smoke weed,” Biden said.
Saying that he wanted to finish the job he had started in 2021, Biden channelled the words of former statesman and Biden playdate favourite Benjamin Franklin. “Franklin once said, ‘Whenever you do something, act as if all the world were watching’. Although, I’ll be honest, there were a few times in the 1750s when Benny didn’t quite live up to that quote. Thank goodness we didn’t have social media back in those days”.
Thanking the American people for the support they had given him so far, the President said he still had more to give. “As my childhood friend Alex Hamilton once wrote, ‘I may not live to see our glory, but I will gladly join the fight. And when our children tell our story, they’ll tell the story of tonight’. Actually, that may have been Lin-Manuel Miranda. It’s hard to tell sometimes”.