Noting that he had passed his exam with flying colours, the Vatican has awarded His Holiness the Dalai Lama a senior role within the Church’s ranks, after the Tibetan leader was able to satisfactorily demonstrate key attributes of the role.
“He was able to effortlessly abuse his power around a young child, he was sexually inappropriate, deeply weird, and he did it all wearing a ridiculous costume,” a spokesperson for The Vatican said.
Catholic HQ noted that the Dalai Lama’s apology was particularly in keeping with the Church’s tradition. “He got his PR team to apologise for the transgression months after it happened, and only because a video of the event emerged. And even then it was a fairly half-hearted apology. We think he’ll be perfect”.
The 87 year old will move to The Vatican next week, before being shifted to another parish later in the year.