Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese has rallied the troops following the election being announced, asking them if they’ve got what it takes to fuck up a 12-point poll lead over the course of the next 41 days.
In a full party meeting, Albo stood on a chair as he gave his final address before the campaign proper begins.
“Can we do this? Of course we can!” he said to cheers as he pumped his fist in the air.
“I know what you’re thinking. Is it even possible to lose from here? Well, if you’re nervous, if you’re second guessing yourself, just remember this – we’ve done this before and we can do it again!”
He told colleagues to picture themselves pissing away an unassailable lead in 2019. “Think back. What did you do then? How can you do it again now? It may seem impossible, but it seemed impossible then too. And you did it. We did it. And we’ll do it again”.