Australia has retained the Ashes after two continuous days of crying by broadcaster Piers Morgan caused the fourth test to be declared a wash out.
“It’s n … n … n … not fair th th th that they get to keep the Ashes,” Piers spluttered, as his Mum tried to explain that that’s the way the rules of cricket work.
Grounds staff at Old Trafford tried unsuccessfully to clear away the tears from the ground in an effort to get play underway. “Every time it looked like we might have a break in the tears, Piers would break down again in another sook and we’d have to put the covers back on again,” one curator explained.
Piers said he tried to stop crying but couldn’t. “They ch .. ch.. cheated! We should’ve won!” he screamed. “Apart from losing the first two test matches in this series and four out of the five test matches in the last series, we’ve basically won every game. It’s not in the spirit of the game. It’s only fair that we get to win!”
