After being surprised that saying ‘Wicky Leave’ before leaving your crease is not a real thing in international cricket, England has demanded that it be allowed to adopt the full range of backyard cricket rules for the remainder of the series.
“As a professional sporting team, we’re really not coping with professional sporting rules,” England captain Ben Stokes said today. “We think that, given we’re two nil down in the series, it’s only fair that we’re allowed to play with modified rules.
“All these technicalities like, not being able to catch it if it’s bounced, or having to stay in your crease if you’re batting – how are we supposed to know all of those things? It’s not fair. Also, I think we can all agree that you can’t get out first ball. Unless you’re Australian”.
Under England’s proposal, the following rules would apply.
When England is fielding
- Auto Wicky – if an Australian batter edges it, it will be assumed to be out, even if Jonny Bairstow grasses it
- Six and out
- Tippy go
- One hand one bounce
When England is batting
- Can’t get out first ball
- No LBW unless it’s REALLY obvious