The world’s richest and saddest man, Elon Musk, has updated his preferred pronouns to midlife/crisis, saying they better reflect his true self.
Musk, who paid at least $20 billion too much for a social media network in order to impress his ex-girlfriend, said everything was falling apart and he just wanted some attention. “I am so very, very sad and lonely. Please laugh at my jokes,” midlife said.
The 51-year-old father of 10* said it was inevitable some people will misgender crisis as they adjust to the new pronouns. “One of the guys in the office who I consider my closest/only friend used the pronouns fuck/wit when referring to me the other day. Just this morning one of my kids spoke to me using the absent/father pronouns. It will take time for people to adjust.
“But midlife/crisis is who I am. It defines every part of my being. I literally put a car up in space so people would think I was fun and cool. I posted a picture of guns and cans of diet coke on my pretend bedside table to make me look edgy. I post funny memes. I started a flamethrower company. But I still have this nagging feeling that people think I’m a wanker”.
*at the time of publication
