Leading economists say it has never been easier to find work, with one company so desperate for workers it was left with no choice but to hire a lazy, talentless, cos-playing glorified sales rep from the Shire.
“The unemployment rate is now officially zero – the country’s least employable man has found a job,” the Centre for Economic Studies said in a statement today.
Human Resources expert Jessica Bailey said she had never seen anything like it. “You know employers are struggling for talent when they’re offering a job to a guy who once miscalculated a budget by $60 billion, forgot to order vaccines during a pandemic and had to ask his wife whether rape was bad,” she said.
“I mean, imagine the reference checks on this guy. His former colleagues have described him as ‘a horrible person’, ‘a fraud’ and ‘a complete psycho’. The French President called him a liar. But obviously the company in question has got to the reference check stage and gone, ‘fuck it, there’s no-one else, we’ll have to hire him’”.