In an important victory for the former US President, the Supreme Court has ruled that Donald Trump has very large, very impressive hands, overruling previous judgements which suggested his hands are tiny.
Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in his majority opinion that Trump’s hands were among the biggest he had ever seen. “It is the court’s opinion that President Donald J Trump’s hands are tremendously large. Definitely larger than Joe Biden’s hands. Much, much bigger than Hillary Clinton’s. People come up to Mr Trump in the street and say ‘Sir, how can a person have such wonderfully large hands?’ These are some of the finest hands in America”.
Critics say the ruling is a mistake – a bronzed print of Donald Trump’s hand in Times Square’s Madame Tussauds seems to provide proof that Trump’s hands are in fact smaller than average. But the new judgement overrules these measurements, stating that Trump’s hands are officially “Eighteen inches wide and one yard long”.
“He has the biggest hands in America – it’s right there in the Supreme Court judgement. You can’t argue with that,” one Republican supporter said.
The judgement also stated that Donald Trump’s TV Show The Apprentice was the highest rating television show of all time.
