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Snoop Dogg Surpasses Jesaulenko for the Highest Anyone’s Been During an AFL Grand Final

5-Year-Old Palestinian Agrees To Stop Starving After Being Told “It’s Complicated”

Trump Awards Sydney Sweeney the Medal of Freedom for Services To Distracting From Epstein Files

500 Million New Jobs Added to US Economy, After Trump Fires Statistics Chief

Government Alters Position on Gaza From “Gravely Concerned” To “Fuck, I Think We May Have Misjudged This”

Bloated Windbag That Makes Irritating Noise Spotted in Scotland

‘Genocide Concern Rating Scale’ Launched

Australia Agrees To Take American Beef if America Agrees To Take Scott Morrison

Astronomer CEO’s Judgement Called Into Question After Voluntarily Attending Coldplay Concert

RBA Reassures Australians They’ll Lower Interest Rates as Soon as Economy Collapses

Netanyahu Warns Trump That Iran Is Days Away From Releasing the Epstein Files

Hacker Finally Makes Contact With Qantas After Being on Hold for 72 Hours

Remorseful Erin Patterson Offers To Cook Judge Lunch

MPs Should Be Chosen on Merit, Not Quotas, Says Man Who Doesn’t Know How To Post on Social Media

Bezos Replaces Wedding Guests With Robots, in Last-Minute Cost-Saving Measure

Barron Trump Diagnosed With Bone Spurs