The Australian Bureau of Statistics says the inclusion of the question – “Who would you like to shag, date or marry?’ – on last night’s census was designed to “provide valuable insights into the nation’s relationship preferences, demographic trends and capacity for making difficult decisions … but basically just to stitch-up Albo”.
Asked whether Albanese had been consulted about the new question, an ABS spokesperson said the PM was informed shortly before the Census began. “He said, and I’m quoting here, “For fuck’s sake”,” an ABS spokesperson confirmed.
Insiders say Albanese sweated over the question as he sat down to do his Census last night. “He was desperately searching for a ‘prefer not to answer’ option. But unfortunately that wasn’t available,” a senior source said.
Things only got worse for the PM when he clicked over to the next question which said, “Describe Grace Tame in one word”. Officials said that question had been carefully designed to ensure there was no correct answer.
At the time of publication, the Prime Minister was asking advisers whether completing the Census is compulsory. Barnaby Joyce meanwhile has contacted the ABS about the Shag/Marry/Date question, to clarify whether it is possible to answer ‘Shag’ for all three.
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Headline by Sneezeblesser
