In another impressive performance, England has topped the Commonwealth Games medal tally, when taking into consideration the more important measurement of ‘moral victories’.
The Moral Medal Table was introduced after England complained that the traditional medal table was “overly focused on outcomes and not enough on vibes”.
Under the system, developed in conjunction with the England men’s cricket team, England is allowed to nominate events they believe they would have won if circumstances had been slightly different.
“We don’t think the official medal tally tells the full story,” an England spokesperson said. “It’s easy to get caught up in technicalities, like which country wins the most gold medals. But what’s most important is shouting ‘spirit of the game’ and claiming that you’ve won, even when you’ve lost”.
England’s biggest haul came in the swimming, where English competitors were awarded gold medals for several races in which they finished second or third, on the grounds that they had “swum the better race in spirit”.
England’s women’s netball team also secured a gold after losing their semi-final. “Obviously we didn’t win. But if you look at the broader context, the way we lost was better than the way anyone else won,” the spokesperson said.
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Headline by Anthony Bell
