Barnaby Joyce says he will be withholding his full celebration of the Socceroos’ victory after noticing that several players on the team ‘look like they may not be from around here’.
The Nationals-leader-turned-One-Nation-opportunist said he had been prepared to enjoy the victory like a normal Australian, but became concerned after noticing some of the players did not appear to have the “right amount of looking settled”.
“You know how I’ve got this special gift where I can go to a house auction and tell you how long the people bidding have lived here for, just by looking at them? Well I can do that with elite sports players too,” Joyce said. “It’s just something about them. It’s hard to put your finger on it, but if you know, you know”.
The former Deputy Prime Minister stressed he was very proud of the team but would reserve his enthusiasm until he could confirm each player’s Australian credentials.
“The fact is, ordinary Australians are getting sick and tired of trying to score a World Cup goal for their country only to be beaten to it by people who, to be frank, look like they’ve recently arrived”.
Note: Like most of One Nation’s policies, this article is fictional
