Any remaining hotel showers that operate in a conventional, predictable way will soon be illegal, with a newly introduced regulation requiring each hotel to implement its own unique, highly unusual method for turning on the taps.
A spokesperson for the Global Hotels Association said that consistency breeds complacency. “If we allow showers that function by simply turning on a tap, then we kill innovation,” he said
“We want to create bespoke experiences where guests have to spend half an hour figuring out how to get a shower going while they simultaneously cover themselves and the bathroom with water. There’s something deeply artistic about standing naked in an unfamiliar bathroom pressing random wall plates like you’re trying to open a secret passage”.
He said much of the hard work in creating unique shower systems had already been done. “Most hotels already have their own baffling system where guests are kept guessing,” he explained.
“Do you have to pull a small metal pin beneath the bath spout? Is there a secret side lever that you need to pull in order to get water flowing? And is that dial on the wall there to adjust water pressure or to switch between freezing cold and scalding hot? It’s all part of the curated adventure”.
Extra legislation is concurrently being drafted to require all hotel light switches to be positioned in the least obvious place possible.
