The Best Dealmaker the World Has Ever Known is beginning to realise that starting a war with a hostile nation of 90 million people is a little more complicated than buying an apartment block in Manhattan.
Just weeks after bombing a sovereign nation without any thought of the consequences, Donald Trump was today simultaneously asking NATO allies to immediately send help and insisting he doesn’t need their help, a technique negotiation experts call “an absolute fucking shambles”.
With the terms of the war worsening, the master negotiator apparently threatened to walk away from the deal, before being told by aides that he had commenced a complex Middle Eastern war, not a real estate contract.
“Shouting at someone until they fold may work when you’re negotiating a hotel development. It’s not quite so effective when dealing with a fundamentalist regime that wants to destroy you, and not in a metaphorical sense,” one negotiation expert said.
Despite criticism from experts, MAGA enthusiasts insist Trump knows what he is doing. “Oil prices are rising, international trade is under threat, people are dying and everything is getting worse. As usual, Trump has all of the leverage here,” one supporter said.
Others agreed. “He is the master,” one man said. “I mean look at the situation as it stands. Iran controls a piece of water that handles a third of the world’s oil exports, its leadership is ideologically driven and will fight until the death, and it has a huge supply of drones that cost them $20,000 but cost us $4 million to shoot down. Once again Trump is holding all the cards here”.
