US Government workers have been ordered to stop using the Calibri font and begin using the more tonally appropriate Comic Sans typeface, effective immediately.
It comes just days after Marco Rubio ordered documents to be changed to Times New Roman, which was quickly abandoned after Trump was handed a national-security memo and complained it looked ‘mean’ and ‘too much like homework’.
In a statement today, the White House said it wanted a typeface that more closely aligned with the decorum, direction and values of the Trump Administration.
“The Comic Sans typeface is a better representation of the President’s mental age and sits more closely with the way the rest of the world views America. It is deeply unserious, incredibly childish and very hard to read, just like the Dear Leader himself,” the statement read.
The first newly-formatted document, an 18-page briefing entitled “The Case For Starting A War With Venezuela,” was released today in Comic Sans font. Analysts who viewed the document said the content remained deeply alarming, though the typeface offered “a surprising sense of light-hearted dread”.
Departments have been instructed to update all written communication immediately, including the nuclear codes, which will now feature a cheerful Comic Sans header reading: “If You’re Reading This, Please Stay Calm.”
