Desperate for one last political gotcha before the year ends, Sussan Ley has been locked in her office since the release of Spotify Wrapped, frantically searching for a way to link one of Albo’s top artists to Nazism.
Presumed missing since Wednesday, the Leader of the Opposition to Band T-Shirts has been seen for the first time today by a staffer, who said Ley had bloodshot eyes and was muttering something about “Joy Division not even being his Top 5”.
“Taylor Swift… blonde hair… aryan traits? Could be something… Write that down,” Ley was heard whispering to herself in the Parliament lunchline.
Liberal productivity has now reached an all-time high, as shadow cabinet meetings have now turned into listening parties, instead of just regular parties. Ley has even offered to let whoever can crowbar an Anti-Semitism accusation at Albo’s Top 5 take her place as party leader, tripling the number of researchers.
“We thought we might have struck gold when we saw his Spotify Listening age was 88, a Nazi dog whistle. But then we remembered that also the average actual age of our voters,” shared a junior Liberal staffer (aged 45).
When asked why she didn’t share her Spotify Wrapped results, Ley explained, “All my top artists were the standard unproblematic ones that everyone loves, like Michael Jackson, Kanye, and Rolf Harris.”
