Defending its decision to approve an extension of Glencore’s Ulan thermal coal mine, the Albanese Government today confirmed that gaslighting remains “the single most reliable energy source available to Australians”.
With the Government continuing to approve coal mines, despite an election platform of environmental responsibility, industry analysts have projected that 80% of Australia’s energy mix could be provided by gaslighting by 2030.
In a speech today, the Prime Minister said Australia had vast, untapped reserves of pretending nothing is wrong. “I want to reassure those Australians concerned about the climate impact of this mine extension that gaslighting is, in fact, a form of clean energy. And if you don’t believe that then you are part of the problem.
“By 2030, Australian families will be able to cook dinner, charge their phones and heat their homes using the gaslighting energy generated when we tell you not to use plastic straws while we continue to expand coal mining.”
A Government spokesperson agreed gaslighting had become an important part of Australia’s energy mix. “Unlike solar and wind, gaslighting is available 24/7. You don’t need batteries to store it, and you don’t need transmission lines to distribute it. Just a press conference and a straight face”.
