Experts have told the Economic Reform Roundtable that they observed a substantial drop in efficiency across Australia on August 9, just minutes after ACT Senator David Pocock shared a slew of what can only be described as “thirst traps” to his social media accounts.
“Our data shows that workers stopped being productive the second they opened up their phones, like so, and saw Senator Pocock’s latest… Instagram… oh my God,” one economist tried to explain, before going slack-jawed.
The current theory held by respected experts is that the average human brain is incapable of observing the perfectly sculpted body of a 37-year-old Greek God without being overwhelmed by awe, lust, or jealousy.
“Once combined with the additional ‘And-He’s-A-Politician???’ factor, seeing David Pocock’s rock-hard deltoids is enough to send any reasonable person into a full cognitive shutdown,” a doctor warned.
The Roundtable has recommended Parliament place a censure on Pocock’s body entering the Upper House, saying it was a danger to economic prosperity.
