The Albanese Government says it has brokered a deal with the Trump Administration that will see American beef allowed into Australia in return for America keeping Scott Morrison on US soil.
Trade Minister Don Farrell said he was delighted with the deal, which he argued was strongly in Australia’s favour. “Yes, by allowing American beef into Australia there is a heightened risk of disease. But that is a small price to pay for never having to see that galling little Scott Morrison smirk up close again,” he said.
Experts agree that both American beef and Scott Morrison can make you ill. “Just a small sample of it can make you vomit uncontrollably. Contaminated beef can make you quite sick too, but it’s not as bad,” scientist Samantha Priola said.
She said the deal was good for Australia. “We’re trading foot-in-mouth for foot-and-mouth. While an outbreak of foot-and-mouth can be contained with the right processes in place, science shows that stopping Scott Morrison from saying something fucking ridiculous is physically impossible.
“Australia will be increasing its biosecurity risk, but lowering its vacuous dickhead risk, so on balance I think it’s a good deal”.
The United Nations was said to be looking at the deal, with the organisation claiming that inflicting Scott Morrison on the US population was an unnecessary and inhumane escalation of the trade war.
