The decision of whether or not to plunge the world into all-out nuclear war sits with a man who has the emotional sophistication of a nine-year-old, discussing friendship groups at a primary school playground. Although some have claimed that is offensive to nine-year-olds.
As World War III threatened to kick off in the Middle East, the man in charge of the world’s biggest military said he definitely has a plan he just doesn’t want to tell you what it is because it’s none of your business so suffer. “And anyway, I could fight you all if I wanted to!” he boasted.
The little boy said it was definitely his idea to bomb Iran and that the notion that it wasn’t his idea is just a lie that Becky in third grade is spreading to get back at him for unfriending her. “Vlad and I don’t like you anyway. We don’t even want to be friends with you. So there!” he said, in a carefully prepared statement.
One military expert said it was alarming that such a volatile situation was being handled by a petty, hypersensitive man-baby who used to host a reality TV show. “Thank God he’s got a team of level-headed, experienced people around him”.
