Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison has received Australia’s highest honour, singled out for his dedication to dressing up and pretending to work.
While most award recipients specialised in a particular field or industry, Morrison stood out for his ability to play-act in any conceivable role.
“We’ve awarded honours to scientists before, but never someone who dresses up as a scientist. Cricketers, but never someone who runs on a field dressed up as a cricketer. People who help clean up after natural disasters, but never someone who flees the country during one,” a spokesperson for the awards explained.
While many recipients were recognised for their services to the community, Morrison was the only one recognised for pretending to be of service the community. “He really is a jackarse of all trades, master of none,” the spokesperson said.
All in all, Morrison was recognised for services to hairdressing, truck driving, welding, cooking, cricket, building, ballet, briefly sweeping basketball courts, shaking hands with people who don’t want to have their hands shaken, escaping bushfires, barrelling into young children, and not shooting women.
He was not recognised in the category of ‘hose holding’ or being Prime Minister.
