Clive Palmer says his party’s election result proves that achieving net zero is possible if you’re willing to invest the necessary funds.
In an impressive result, the Trumpets of Patriots gained zero seats in the lower house, which when balanced with the zero seats won in the Senate, achieved a net result of zero seats.
“There’s some complex mathematics that is required to work out these things, but we’re pretty sure we’re correct in saying we’ve achieved absolutely nothing,” the mining billionaire said.
Palmer said he had done what even the Greens have been unable to achieve. “By shrewdly investing upwards of $60 million into this campaign we have managed to return our party’s electoral output to its 1990 levels”. The party did not exist in 1990.
Asked how he achieved the feat, Palmer said his success was based on producing large amounts of hot air. “The more I spoke, the more ads I appeared on, the more bullshit texts H Fong sent out, the lower our output became”.
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Headline by Anthony Bell
