Toxic black smoke is flowing from the chimneys of coal-fired power stations across the country, signifying that after days of deliberation, the Liberal Party had chosen its new leader.
The decades-old tradition is regarded as an important symbolic gesture, and a poignant reminder that the Liberal leader is but a vessel through which the Almighty mining companies transmit their message. The new leader, speaking in the ancient Liberal Party language, promised to be a loyal servant and spread the Word of fossil fuel expansion.
As news of the appointment spread, dog whistles rang out across the country, as staffers, donors and News Corp media flocked to the scene to celebrate.
Those within the Party said the new leader was an opportunity for renewal. “And by renewal we mean an opportunity to renew our commitment to coal,” one excited Party member said.
“We have been challenged; our numbers have been decimated; we have faced hardship. But no matter what they throw at us we will never abandon our Coal God, even when the polls strongly suggest we should” he said.
Meanwhile, the Greens prepared to choose their own leader, which will be signified by the traditional burning of a solar-powered scented candle.
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Headline by Jim Bennett
