The Coalition has unveiled the centrepiece of its election campaign, promising to remove sixty seconds at the start of official events.
With Australians struggling under the burden of increased grocery prices, skyrocketing rents and rising healthcare costs, Peter Dutton said abolishing Welcome to Country speeches was just what voters needed to get them back on track.
“I was speaking with a family today who was struggling to pay their bills, struggling to keep up with rising rents, and they said to me, what we really need is not to hear an acknowledgement of Australia’s first inhabitants when we fly Qantas,” Dutton said.
“It’s a story I’m hearing a lot. Another young person I spoke to said she couldn’t imagine ever owning her own home. Scrapping a few words at the start of Anzac services could be just the help she needs”.
Liberal Party voters said it was a relief that Dutton had finally found his stride. “It’s taken three weeks, but thank God he’s finally started dog whistling about race. I was beginning to lose hope,” one supporter said.
