Former Prime Minster Scott Morrison today revealed he has held the position of Pope for the last 18 months, after secretly appointing himself to the position in late 2023.
Morrison conceded the late Pope Francis was unaware of the appointment, saying the move had been signed off directly by God. “I sent God all of the necessary paperwork via email and he filled it out as requested. Or maybe that was Jenny, I can’t remember the precise details right now. The point is, I’m Pope now, and I have been for some time,” Morrison explained.
Morrison argued he was well qualified for the position, having held multiple ministries throughout his career. “Sure, a lot of the other candidates have held ministries before, but none of them has held six at the same time. So I am uniquely qualified for this,” he explained.
Experts say with the direct assistance of God, Morrison may now finally be able to get a commuter car park built.
Morrison will carry out the role from The Holy Sea – a resort in Hawaii.
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Headline by Anthony Bell
