Astronauts Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore have pleaded to be sent back to the International Space Station mere moments after arriving back on Earth, saying space is much less chaotic, with fewer Nazis.
Receiving a recap of the major changes in the United States since they left Earth on June 5 last year, the pair learnt that Donald Trump won a second term, an anti-vaxxer is running the health department, the US is allies with Vladimir Putin and government jobs are being wildly slashed by a white supremacist Nazi sympathiser in the name of efficiency.
“I’d literally prefer to shit in a floating cup for another nine months than have to contend with this,” Wilmore said.
Their capsule parachuted into the Gulf of Mexico in the early evening, sparking confusion as government representatives insisted they call it the Gulf of America. “Honestly, let’s turn this thing around and get out of here,” Williams said.
Dolphins circled the capsule, warning them not to return.
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By Matt Harvey
