The Catholic Church, acting under great secrecy, has once again moved its most notorious paedophile priest to a new parish, to protect him from the ignominy of his own death.
The Church leadership agreed that, rather than face the consequences of Gerald Ridsdale’s death, it would be far simpler and neater to simply move him to a different parish that hadn’t yet heard the news that he’d died.
It’s not yet clear which new parish Gerald Ridsdale’s body has been moved to, but one church insider believed the former priest had been moved at least three times since he passed away last night. “So that’s roughly the same amount of moves per day as when he was alive,” the insider said.
The source explained that it was Catholic Church policy to continually move Ridsdale’s dead body from parish to parish, no matter how bad the stench ever became.
Theologians have separately been speculating about whether Ridsdale’s soul would be going to heaven or to hell. It’s understood that God is absolutely incredulous that, under His religion’s own rules, He’ll be forced to forgive Ridsdale and grant him eternal salvation in His kingdom.
“I think we need an urgent review into that whole repentance loophole,” God said. “I blame myself for not paying closer attention to the wording in the scriptures, but I’m not sure it passes the ‘pub test’ for one of the world’s worst paedophiles to get into heaven simply because he accepted Christ as his lord and saviour. That’s horseshit.”
It’s understood that all the cherubs in heaven have been formally forewarned about the possibility of Ridsdale’s imminent arrival.
