Peter Dutton was kind enough to pen an article for The 2024 Shovel Annual. We wanted to share an exclusive extract with you.
“Politics, someone once told me, is about more than just creating a vision for the nation. It’s about crafting the policies required to achieve that vision, aligning the party to the policies, and then committing to the task of bringing the country along with you as you forge a path for positive change.
All sounds like a lot of hard work if you ask me.
Much easier to make a quick call to a radio station each January to tell them that Woolies isn’t stocking plastic Chinese-made flags anymore and wait for it to take over the media cycle for the next four weeks. Certainly saves mucking around with all that touchy-feely ‘vision’ rubbish.
Saves having to think about anything at all actually. Which is handy, because one of the things I learnt in my brief stint as Health Minister in the Abbott Government is that I’m very bad at anything that requires intellect, nuance, diplomacy or talent. Or problem solving, complexity, managing people or doing more than one thing at a time.
But at least I’m good with numbers. Or so I thought, until I challenged Malcolm Turnbull for the leadership in 2018 and realised I couldn’t count to 43.
So, without anything else to fall back on, I started talking about flags and biscuit tins and LGBTI morning teas instead, and six years later here we are.
You’d think no-one would take it seriously. Until you remember how Australia’s media works. The truth is, they might give the impression they care about the ‘big issues’ – like domestic violence, or the fact that no-one under 40 can afford a place to live.
But tell them that Coles has decided to derange a commemorative Anzac Day biscuit tin, and they’ll dedicate a team of two-hundred journalists to provide rolling coverage for the next four months. And fair enough too. Our diggers didn’t fight and die for a country that doesn’t have souvenir tinned goods.
Once you understand how the media works, you’ll discover that you really don’t have to have any policies at all. You can simply do nothing, and then if a journalist ever calls you out on it, just make up some story about a primary school in North Fitzroy teaching group sex, and they’ll forget the original question.
And then, once you’ve run out of Australia Day material, just tell them you’ve got a policy for imaginary nuclear power plants to replace whale-eating wind turbines and you’ve bought yourself another six months.
It’s all very straight forward. Anyway, I better go. I’m off to talk to Ben Fordham about how the economy has been ruined by a Welcome to Country at a football game. That should clog up the news cycle until at least 2026”.
This is an extract from the 2024 Shovel Annual. Buy a copy here.
