News Corp newspaper and television outlets across the nation have called emergency meetings this afternoon, after former Labor Senator Fatima Payman announced she was setting up her own party, Australia’s Voice.
Sources say there was a sense of excitement at the prospect of taking down a young, Muslim woman with an opinion. “This is the trifecta people! Let’s not fuck this up. I want forty op-eds belittling Payman on my desk by 5pm,” one editor yelled.
“Let’s get ideas for a full-page derogatory cartoon happening too,” another editor said, adding that the only question was whether to make it sexist, racist or both.
One Director of News reminded staff that while the task ahead may seem overwhelming, they had a huge back-catalogue of work to call on. “John, let’s pull up our Shitting on Women Templates: Yassmin Abdel-Magied, Antoinette Lattouf, Brittany Higgins, Laura Tingle, Patricia Karvelas – we’ve got a lot to work with.
“Terry, why don’t you start looking through the archive on Denigrating Muslims. What should our readers be scared of? How can we dial up the stereotypes? Has she given her full and unequivocal support to Anzac Day celebrations or is she a traitor?
“And let’s not forget she’s young too. We’ve done 3,000 articles blaming Millennials for existing, so let’s weave some of those narratives in there as well”.
He said a dedicated Fatima Payman Dirt Unit would be set up in the coming days.
“We’ve got no time to waste! I want to see her quit politics by the end of the year. Let’s get to work people!”
