In a new policy that shows his commitment to traditional family values and a total misunderstanding of biology, Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance says all American women should give birth by the end of the year, or face prison.
At a rally today, Vance said America had been overtaken by a woke ideology that had become obsessed with a nine-month gestational period. “It’s ridiculous! It’s laziness. It doesn’t take that long!” he said to cheers from the crowd. “The media is lying to you. How could it possibly take that long to grow a small child? Have you seen them? They’re tiny.
“Where I grew up, the women used to make babies in under a month. Or maybe that was the rabbits, I don’t remember exactly, I get them confused sometimes. But nine months is ridiculous. I’ve grown entirely new personalities in less time than that”.
He said the long wait for children was another example of feminism ruining society. “Men get it done quickly, always have. My contribution to the creation of my children was completed in under a minute. And most of my buddies say the same thing. So why does it take months – literally months – for women to complete their part of the process. And then all they do is complain about it anyway. It’s a feminist Democrat plot to get time off. It is incredibly inefficient. ”.
Under the proposal, any woman who does not have a husband, a child and an American flag in the front yard by Christmas would be charged with treason.
