Former PM Scott Morrison has announced he will quit politics to take up his ‘dream job’ as Wash & Blow-Dry Coordinator at his local hair salon.
Morrison, who in 2022 held a press conference in a hair salon so he could intimately place his fingers in an unsuspecting woman’s hair for reasons yet to be determined, said he was looking forward to the new challenge.
“I’ll be working 30-40 minutes a day, so it’ll be a step up in workload. But they’ve said I can bring my photography crew with me each morning, so that shows they really get me”.
The salon’s owner, Tania Habry, said Morrison would be perfect the role. “Basically he just needs to be able to talk shit for 40 minutes and then finish by blowing out a continuous stream of hot air. So it’s very similar to his previous roles”.
Morrison conceded he had once claimed he didn’t hold a hose. But in an editorial for The Shovel in 2022, he clarified that it was different when it came to washing hair. “That’s only in a national emergency. In the more commonplace context of someone wanting their hair washed by a 53 year-old man who’s just walked into their $250 cut-and-colour appointment, I’ll be the first to pick up the little hose and gently stroke it across a woman’s scalp”.
Hughes said Morrison will be paid the minimum wage, which she’s been told he thinks is adequate.