ASIO has confirmed the arrest of an ‘elderly Caucasian male’, after a search of his North Pole premises found lists containing confidential information about the behaviour of millions of children, as well as their gift requests. There are fears he may have leaked the lists to parents and media outlets.
“As yet we do not know how the information on these lists was ascertained, or how widely it has been shared. What we do know is that there has been extensive record keeping, and that those records have been stored on private premises without Government approval or oversight,” an ASIO spokesperson said.
He said there was a concern that confidential information could enter the public realm. “It’s only a matter of time before the fact that Jack from Fulham Gardens stole his sister’s Pokémon cards in early July gets out. Sorry I’ve said too much”.
Santa now faces life in prison.
Headline by Anthony Bell