After enduring a week of hell – in which he was pressed into revealing he had lied to police, security guards, his boss, and a national TV network, admitted to taking cocaine, and somehow forgot buying a woman several drinks at a Canberra bar – Bruce Lehrmann suddenly remembered he was the dickhead who started all of this.
In an interview outside the court, Lehrmann explained how he had totally forgotten that he’d ripped apart his reputation voluntarily.
“So I’m standing there, trying to come to terms with what I’ve just said on the witness stand, and I’m thinking, fuck, I could get done for this. And then I think, hang on a second, this is a defamation trial, not a criminal trial, I can’t get done for this. And I’m not even the one on trial. Yay me.
“But I’m still pissed, because this thing has made me look like a total idiot. And so I start cursing the absolute dipshit who had the nerve to start these court proceedings in the first place. And my lawyer turns to me and says, ‘Um, Bruce you started it mate, remember? You’re the idiot”.
“And I’m like ‘really? Why the hell would someone voluntarily put themselves through this? What sort of God complex would you need to have to do that?’
“Anyway, I’m going to sue the judge for defamation. So I better start preparing for that case”.
This article is closely based on our previous articles “Ben Roberts-Smith Suddenly Remembers He Initiated This Fucking Trial” and “Lachlan Murdoch Suddenly Remembers He Initiated This Fucking Trial”, which itself was inspired by the article “Christian Porter Suddenly Remembers He Initiated This Fucking Trial” and “Peter Dutton Suddenly Remembers He Initiated This Fucking Trial”.