By Columnist Fuming Phil
“Been hearing a lot of whining about HECS debts going up by 7.1% due to the indexation rate. It’s getting a bit tiresome. Some young bloke in a café I go to was having a sook about his HECS going up $3,000 overnight. Then I overhear some young lass tearing up about being ‘swamped in debt’.
Like I said to her, you should’ve been more prepared. Got your shit together and done uni in the 1970s when it was free. That’s what I did. That’s what all my mates did. Thought ahead, got organised, and timed our post-school years to coincide with fully-government-funded tertiary education. Pretty straight forward when you think about it.
Not my fault you’re incompetent. Don’t they teach you organisational skills at school these days? Pretty bloody silly to be born in the ‘90s – two decades after free education was scrapped. Didn’t think that one through did you!
And don’t tell me I was just lucky. I worked bloody hard to make sure my early 20s overlapped with a historic period of free education. What were you doing in the 70s? Probably having a whinge about your pronouns. Or playing TikTok on your iPod. You certainly weren’t thinking ahead and enrolling in free university like I did.
And now what? You’re up for a $50,000 bill and you think that’s somebody else’s fault. Nup. Sorry sweetheart. Should’ve thought of that earlier. Bit late now. Have a cry into your avocado. Anyway, I’m off to buy another house. Bye”.