Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth has politely smiled and clapped through a mind-numbing 3-hour opening ceremony to mark her arrival in the afterlife.
The performance – a combination of kitsch cultural references and agonising contemporary dance routines – at times seemed as if it was never going to end. But the Queen respectfully watched the whole thing, not even once glancing down to look at her phone.
After the ceremony, the Queen politely thanked those involved, before meeting with the performers.
Prince Philip, who was also there, said it was the most boring piece of shit he had ever witnessed.