Shaquille ‘Shaq’ O’Neal will call on nineteen years of experience in the NBA to develop Australia’s spending and taxation plans for the 2023/24 fiscal year, the Prime Minister has confirmed.
Announcing the coup today, Anthony Albanese said as a black American athlete, Shaq was uniquely placed to develop the economic plans that will underpin Australia’s future prosperity.
“Shaquille is one of the game’s all time great centres, so I think it goes without saying he has what it takes to formulate fiscal policy,” Albanese said.
Asked if it would be more appropriate to have an Australian delivering the nations’ budget, Albanese said he was yet to meet an Australian who has an NBA field goal accuracy of 0.582. “When you’re having to make complex decisions about health and education funding, when you need to decide what to put in the forward estimates, it helps to have played against the likes of Jordan and Bryant,” he said.
Treasurer Jim Chalmers said, while disappointed, he understood the decision. “I’ve held a range of roles in Treasury and have a PhD in political science, but I haven’t won four NBA championships, an MVP award or an Olympic gold medal, so I can see why I won’t be doing the budget”.