Scott Morrison has told embattled British PM Boris Johnson that the best way to regain the trust and respect of the general public is to start a culture war about the danger of transgender children taking over the country.
“I’ve found from experience that when there’s a sex scandal in your party, the best thing to do is simply refocus on the big issues affecting everyday voters. And that of course is what the sign on the bathroom door at your local primary school should look like,” Morrison told Johnson in a late-night phone call.
Morrison urged his former counterpart to go all-in on the strategy. “Maybe there’s an untested, unknown candidate with a history of comparing trans issues to Nazi Germany that you could thrust into the spotlight at short notice? Maybe instead of focusing on the sexual misconduct within your party you could focus on how school sports are being torn apart by trans kids.
“Trust me, it’ll work. Failing that, just rock up to a hair salon and wash a stranger’s hair”.