5 Signs You Might Be Confusing Your Wallet With Your Wife — The Shovel

5 Signs You Might Be Confusing Your Wallet With Your Wife

Former AFL footballer Billy Brownless was a bit of a dill last night, comparing his misses to his wallet. But the truth is the two things are easy to mix up: one’s an inanimate object, the other is the thing you keep your money and credit cards in.

Us blokes have all done it at least once in our lives. Here are five signs that it might be happening to you.

1. You accidently introduce your wallet to your mate’s friend you’ve just met: You meet someone for the first time and you try to do the right thing, pulling your wallet out and saying “I’d like you to meet …” before realising it’s your wallet. Embarrassing!

2. You say ‘I’m home honey’ to your wallet: Sooo dumb! Your wallet already knows you’re home, because it’s sitting in the back pocket of your jeans.

3. You try to ‘touch on’/’tap on’ your wife, instead of your Myki/Opal card: Sydney and Melbourne readers will be familiar with this silly mistake. You’re headed into the train station, about to go through the barriers, and then you accidently pick up your wife to register your ticket. Awkward!

4. You take your wallet on a date night: Admit it, you’ve done this one. You’re sitting at a fancy restaurant, sipping on a nice wine, and then it occurs to you that the conversation has been a bit … one-sided. Ahhh! It’s your wallet on the other side of the table, not the woman you married!

5. You try to have sex with your mate’s wallet: After a lot of drinks, this can happen, but it’s an absolute no-no. Your mate’s wallet is strictly his possession.

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