A Peaceful Dictator: The Life And Achievements Of Robert Mugabe — The Shovel

A Peaceful Dictator: The Life And Achievements Of Robert Mugabe

In the week that Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe was awarded China’s equivalent of the Nobel Peace Prize – the Confucius Peace Prize – we look back at a life dedicated to peace and global harmony.

1924: Born in the Zvimba district of Zimbabwe.

1980s: Starts life-long mission to bring his people together through peaceful torture, gentle suppression of rights, and non-violent massacre.

1982: Peacefully orders massacre of 20,000 of the Ndebele people in western Zimbabwe.

1990s: As part of campaign to spread goodwill throughout Zimbabwe, caringly seizes land of thousands of farmers, compassionately forcing them from their homes.

Late 1990s: Kindly oversees hyperinflation in Zimbabwe that peacefully wreaks havoc on millions of peoples’ lives.

2002: Out of a heartfelt desire to bring his people together, tenderly threatens his opponents to vote for him, and only him, in national elections.

2003: Shows his respect and support for the peace campaigners that came before him, calling himself “The Hitler of my time”.

2007: Caringly says, “The only white man you can trust is a dead white man”.

2008: In a gesture of goodwill, thoughtfully suggests Morgan Tsvangirai drop out of race for President. Caringly attacks and kills Tsvangirai’s supporters until he does.

2015: Sympathetically forgoes lavish birthday celebrations, instead opting for a frugal $1 million party – only several hundred times the average Zimbabwe annual salary.

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