The world has banded together to offer Donald Trump a fourteen-figure sum in exchange for never talking about anything at all ever again.
Saying they were willing to pay whatever it takes to stop that ‘excruciating fucking noise emanating from the US’, the world’s citizens agreed to crowd-fund the hush money payment to silence the former President.
“I’ve chipped in ten grand. If it means I never have to hear that whinging, crying little twatface man-baby throwing a sook again, it’ll be money well spent,” fund contributor Belinda Curnow said.
“I have three toddlers under the age of four. But there simply isn’t a more annoying sound in the world than Donald Trump whining about some petty little gripe that’s hurt his feelings. This is a great cause,” she said.
“That fucking noise. I’d prefer to go to the dentist and get a root canal than have the high-pitch whine of Donald Trump in my ear. Where do I sign up?” another supporter said.
Usually hush money payments are designed to buy silence about a particular event or topic, but in this case the payment would require total silence about everything.
The fund has raised in excess of ten trillion dollars, although those close to Trump say he would jump at anything above $10k.
