Morrison Says He Is Best Placed To Do Nothing About Bushfires From Hawaii 

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has reassured Australians that his holiday to Hawaii will not affect his response to the bushfire crisis engulfing the nation, saying he can continue to do absolutely fuck all from the poolside of a Hawaiian family resort.

In a brief statement to journalists today, Mr Morrison said that in times of national emergency continuity was important. “I want to assure Australians that nothing changes. Everything that I didn’t do from Canberra I can also not do while sipping on a cocktail in Waikiki”.

The Prime Minister said that just because he wasn’t in the country didn’t mean he couldn’t be getting on with the job of ignoring a national crisis. “I will be getting regular updates on the situation and then doing nothing about them, just as I was when I was in the country. You can consider me as good as there,” he said.

The Prime Minister said he would also be able to not meet with fire chiefs while he was in Hawaii. “Technology these days means I can choose to not take a call from a emergency chief no matter where I am in the world”.

Mr Morrison returns at the end of this week, or maybe next week or the week after.

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